Last night, I was watching So You Think You Can Dance on DVR (have you heard of this amazing technology that stops time?), and had to temporarily pause the show to go break up a raccoon fight in my backyard. Well, when I came back, I saw the frozen screen and realized...this is not something you'd want your roomy, lover, or cat to see. It totally reminds me of the time when a new roommate of mine walked through the room while I was watching Monster's Ball, right during the sex scene where Halle Barry is grunting and saying "I want somebody to make me feel goooood!" AWKWARD!! Aaaanway, on to the recap of last night's show. Tonight the dancers performed two routines - which can only mean one thing: the competition is HEATING UP. Thankfully, there weren't any annoying pre-taped "let me reveal something totally superficial about my partner" segments. Tabitha & Napoleon were the guest judges, which can only mean one thing: even more long-winded criticisms after each dance! Host Cat Deeley is dressed up like a penguin. SIGNS THAT NIGEL IS ABOUT TO PULL OUT A SHOTGUN AND START PICKING OFF AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Saying to the audience, after getting annoyed several times with the audience's boos, "Look, I'm trying to improve people on this show, and if you don't like that, then why are you here? You can stop coming to the show. You can boo me, but don't boo my good comments. Shut up and listen." Daaaaamn. Did somebody get their once a month? MOST TERRIBLY MANGLED ATTEMPT AT A PUN AND/OR CLEVER METAPHOR: Nigel was not comfortable with Courtney's impersonation of a hip-hop dancer, saying "Courtney, you're not ghetto, you're more like Santa Clause's grotto." Huh? BEST SUGGESTION THAT SYTYCD WILL BE INCLUDED IN HISTORY TEXTBOOKS: Nigel, when praising Katee & Joshua, said that they would definitely be remembered as "one of the 3 or 4 couples to make this season outstanding, when history is written." Recap of the routines, after the jump! ROUND 1 JESSICA & WILL They danced the jive. I gotta admit, this got my toe a tappin! But it did look a little sloppy in places. Jessica just can't match Will's skills. Please direct your attention to the picture at the right. At the very end of their dance, Will looks into the camera with an expression of "please America, PLEASE vote this hack off so I don't have to dance with her anymore!" The judges agreed that Will outshines Jessica, and Nigel warns that when she gets matched up with another dancer (if she makes it that far), she will have problems. COMFORT & THAYNE Comfort and Thayne are together for the first time after their old partners were eliminated. They tackle a Broadway routine that got pretty sexy. Tabitha & Napoleon like this new partnership and loved Comfort's flirtatiousness. Mary is very proud of Comfort, but wishes there had been more wow factor. Nigel gave a rather long speech about the genius of the original choreography from A West Side Story, and then comes down on the couple hard. He said that if they would have been booed off Broadway. KOURTNI & MATT Oh, this was just awful. They danced hip-hop, and I was imagining Josh doing this routine and he would have totally nailed it. Matt was awful. Tabitha & Napoleon hated it, saying there was no bang to it. Mary wasn't feeling it either. Nigel called it hip hop on sleeping pills. CHELSIE & MARK Once again, Chelsie and Mark are amazing, this time dancing a Mandy Moore jazz routine. It was a story of flirtation and they really pulled it off. Tabitha & Napoleon praised them for really being able to tell a story as a couple, and that no matter what they are given, they have that chemistry. Mary teased them by saying "I hate to be a downer tonight...BUT I JUST LOVED IT!!!" Of course she did, she's in love with Mark. Just like I am. What? Mary also said "Chelsie Hightower is towering!" Nigel also loved the dance and commented that the Mark's upper body, and Chelsie's hips, together are "magic." Did Nigel just tell me where babies come from? KHERINGTON & TWITCH These two performed the Paso Doble, a steamy, bull-fighty dance...that began with a lot of ridiculous cape waving. But then it got pretty good, and THANK GOD, Kherington wasn't smiling like a fool this time. Tabitha & Napoleon agreed with me (because they can hear my thoughts during the show), but warned that Twitch, who they felt didn't warm up to it until mid-way, needs to bring it 100% the entire time. Mary thought the dance was full of passion, and had some technical critiques, and Nigel thought that Twitch was "wearing his shoulders like earrings." KATEE & JOSHUA LOVED THIS DANCE. They did a Mia Michaels dance about two people focusing selfishly on their own life. I loved the part where Josh made Katee do a sort of AOL running man across the stage. At the end, Josh was overcome with emotion and said, dramatically, "It's so much more than dancing...it's so much more than dancing." IT SURE IS. Tabitha & Napoleon raved, Mary absolutely loved it, and praised their ability to take a moment of "monumental stillness" and make us feel something. Nigel said it was some "very fancy dancing!" and that what they were doing looked simple, but was in fact very hard to do. And then he goes on about the historical significance of SYTYCD as noted above. COURTNEY & GEV Okay, now we're getting some real hip-hop, none of that lyrical stuff. I thought Courtney was doing a lot better than Gev, which was sort of a shocker given the fact that this was supposed to be Gev's strong point. The judges felt the same way, and pointed out that both were kind of bouncy, instead of hitting it hard. Mary loved Courtney, and was disappointed by Gev. Nigel wondered if it was really hip-hop and said "It felt a bit like Cinderella getting ugly" and compared Courtney to a grotto at the North Pole. ROUND 2 JESSICA & WILL This round they danced a lyrical jazz number to Heart's "Alone." It revolved around the use of a man's shirt (while Will remained topless, HELLO!). It was very SEXUAL...almost dirty. Will was dragging her around the stage and rubbin her all up and down...and then at the end they totally "walked away" as if they were about to go bang somewhere, similar to the feeling you get during a Cialis commercial. The judges loved it, especially Will and his half-nudity. They reinforced the idea that Jessica is holding him down. Also, it was revealed that they had several nervous breakdowns during the week, probably because Will was feeling trapped by his partner. But who can surmise the inner workings of a dancing relationship? THAYNE & COMFORT This was a smooth waltz that had a very dark and Phantom of The Opera feel to it. Comfort looked like an angel floating through the air. Tabitha & Napoleon really enjoyed it, but felt Thayne was a bit on the phony side. Mary compared Comfort to a beautiful dancing butterfly, and Nigel was very pleased. He pointed out that by simply removing her eyebrow piercing, she has become ten times more beautiful. KOURTNI & MATT Now they've got to do the mambo. Kourtni looks pretty hot, and damn does that girl have legs that go on forever. The dancing though is only so-so in my opinion. Tabitha & Napoleon felt that the two needed to get a little more grimy and less jazz-handy with the dance. Napoleon pointed out that when they did the chest roll, he should have seen "smoke comin' out of there." Mary praised Kourtni but thought Matt didn't bring anything to add chemistry. Mary then starts kind of growling to demonstrate how down and dirty they need to be. Nigel blamed some of it on the fact that the choreographers are short (according to Nigel, about 3 inches tall). He also said that Matt needs to be "butcher," which grammatically speaking translates to "more butch." CHELSIE & MARK My fave couple did the fox trot for their second round dance. I was impressed that Chelsie could move in that huge dress covered in feathers - it was ridiculous. The judges loved it, and praised Chelsie for dancing even when there was a feather caught in her mouth. Mary said that despite there being some hard steps in the choreography, they really pulled it off. And of course she talked about how suave Mark looked. Nigel on the other hand felt that Mark was a bit off on his technique. What followed was an awkward exchange between Nigel & Mary, in which Nigel told Mary, "I really respect your opinion, I just wish you'd lower 3 decibels." And of course, Mary just screamed some more. KHERINGTON & TWITCH It is very appropriate I think that a dance choreographed on a bed is set to a John Mayer song. Twitch's body was a wonderland, as he rolled around by himself until Kherington jumps up, a la Fatal Attraction. Tabitha & Napoleon thought it was "awesome awesome awesome" and thought it was storytelling at its best. Mary wooooed it up, and Nigel claimed that the dance was based on his relationship with Mia. INTERESTING. Nigel then said "I want one of these bodies." BUT WHICH ONE??? They are in his top 3. KATEE & JOSHUA They're doing some dance called the West Coast Swing, which apparently requires you to wear totally rockbottom outfits. The dance, however, was pretty cool with a great move at the end where Katee bumped Josh with her butt and he flew across the stage onto the floor. Tabitha & Napoleon said that Katee was on fire. Mary gushed, and Nigel loves their ability to adapt to styles, calling that the essential part of this show. He also said that Katee's ass is a dangerous weapon. COURTNEY & GEV For the final dance of the evening, Courtney and Gev did a Broadway routine involving tourists on their first visit to New York. Courtney's outfit is something I would buy immediately if it was for sale. It was a fun piece overall. Tabitha & Napoleon's only criticism was that they didn't bring the energy down enough in the middle to create the proper build to the end. Mary thought it was really strong and dynamic and it might be enough to send them to the finals! Nigel calls them the underdogs, and that it was the perfect style for them given their tiny size (what is up with Nigel's prejudice against short people?). He said something about it being "down there in the thighs" too which left me feeling dirty. PREDICTION: Jessica and Matt will be going home tonight.

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