I happened to catch good ol' American Pie on Starz! this weekend (Working Title: American Pie 1: American Not-Total-Garbage), and while I still know the movie inside and out from my youthful and more vibrant years, this was the first time I was really able to watch the film with a truer sense of 90s historical context, much like the first time someone watched Better Off Dead in 1994 and thought "what the hell was going on in that decade?" My reactions to the 2008 American Pie viewing: -- Why does Jason Biggs f*ck the pie in the middle of the kitchen? We all had our masturbation hangups in high school (I was more of a Cake man myself... the band Cake, I mean... I mean, I masturbated with Cake CDs... I'm still talking?) but even the horniest braindead teen knows not to do it in the damn kitchen. Eugene Levy's character was probably more shocked by his son's lack of basic masturbatory etiquette than his decision to use baked goods. -- The school choir is f*cking TERRRRRRRRIBLE!!! The film still dubs over their voices with recorded singing in the unconvincing but somehow-acceptable way that all movie musicals do, but they're dubbed with their own really sh*tty voices. I was watching with a choir vet and every second they were on screen was causing her severe pain (Dramatization). -- Not that I'm disputing the film's necessary inclusion of the Nadia nude scene, but why does Nadia have to change her underwear when she gets out of her ballet clothes? And does she not expect anyone to be the slightest bit suspicious / concerned when she spends twenty minutes locked in the room, changing her clothes and making aroused noises? -- Between the Stifler "jizz in the beer cup" scene and the Fat Bastard stool sample from Austin Powers 2, 1999 was a great year for long, drawn out scenes where you keep expecting someone to drink a bodily discharge but they keep not doing it then they eventually do and everyone goes "oooohhhhhHHH!!!!!" -- Chris Klein's decision to leave the lacrosse game at halftime to go sing in the choir competition is perhaps the most egregious violation of Bros Before Ho's in cinematic history. After devoting four years to the lacrosse team, he turns his back to all his friends and coaches when they're counting on him the most because some preppy dude can't sing the "How Sweet It Is" duet as genuinely as he can? Call me unromantic, but if a chick really couldn't understand why I would've chosen the sport I'd played my entire life over the activity I picked up on a whim to meet chicks like nine minutes ago, I would've sent her packing. (Note: Actual high school me would've been so excited to even make eye contact with the girl, I would've missed the sporting event anyway to make her a Black Sabbath mixtape.) -- Shannon Elizabeth does not appear to know that she's in a movie, being filmed, or saying lines. -- Chris Klein scatting "shoobie doobie doo wop" while the choir sings "Do You Believe In Magic" should be on the American Film Institute's List of the 100 Greatest Moments In Cinema. It actually should be on its own list of The 1 Actual Greatest Moment In Cinema and the other list should have "Besides Chris Klein Scatting In American Pie" added to its name. -- Would the ENTIRE school be laughing at Jason Biggs the morning after his double-premature performance on the web? Surely some people would be a little bit impressed that the hottest girl in school wanted to f*ck him, right? -- Tara Reid didn't actually get hot until American Pie 2, meaning her window of "actually attractive" was much slimmer than I recalled. -- Chris Klein does not appear to know that he's in a movie, being filmed, saying lines, or how to speak English. -- I still have no sympathy for Paul Finch and his sanitary concerns. I was even happier when Stifler triumphed over him this time than when I first saw the film. -- Eugene Levy is awesome. I hope someone teaches him the concept of how to decline film roles. -- Every time someone in the movie says the word "internet," as in "broadcast her over the internet!", the word is given the inflection of deliberate curiousness and awe that was required anytime anyone mentioned "the internet" in a film prior to like 2005. Any more retrospective American Pie observations? Leave 'em in the comments!

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Site: Best Week Ever Feed: Entertainment () Url: http://www.bestweekever.tv/200... Views: 3 Added On: 2008-07-23 13:30:19

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