Kiki, if you're going to play hide 'n' seek with the paparazzi every night—and drive with your face covered—wouldn't it be easier and safer just to stay home? At least the sidewalk would appreciate it.

At first, we assumed the puppy-killer protests were aimed toward Mickey Rourke, since it sort of looks like he just swallowed one of the wriggly suckers. But it turns out Rourke is one of the petitioners fighting to close a Miami pet store for selling him a dog that died a week later. Our bad.

Judge Larry Seidlin ruled the lawyer representing Smith's daughter, Dannielynn, will get custody of Anna Nicole's body. Through tears, the judge also said he wanted to see Smith buried with her son in the Bahamas. As much as we'd like to see her rest in peace, we have a feeling peace is still a long way off in this case.

K-Fed's emergency court visit for custody has been canceled while Brit gives rehab yet another go. Is it wrong that we're slightly relieved Kevin has the kids while the troubled pop star tries to get back on track?    So, this guy's the model citizen now?

Piece of advice to Kirsten Dunst: it's much easier to drive with your eyes open.

On his way out of Winston's, David Katzenberg is either blinded by his love for girlfriend Nicky Hilton or by the flash of the paparazzi. We vote for option B. 

Lindsay Lohan may be hitting up the same old clubs every night, but outside Winston's, she throws at least one fresh factor into the mix: Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz.

Fresh (if prematurely) out of rehab, Britney Spears puts on her best disguise, but as she well knows, there's no escaping the paparazzi.

In a not so stunning turn of events, Britney Spears has left rehab, E! Online has confirmed. According to a source, Lynne Spears was the one who encouraged Brit to check in after her daughter's follicular fiasco this past weekend. But the pop princess was apparently furious when photos of her at the Promises facility in Malibu were leaked. That makes two alleged rehab stints that have lasted less than 24 hours—where to next?

Heather Mills has joined Dancing with the Stars to:  a.  prove that people with disabilities can dance b.  hook up with costar Billy Ray Cyrus c.  make this ABC series bigger than the Beatles

As if being killed off her show and soldiering through the fallout of her relationship with an elephantitis-suffering former boyfriend weren't humiliation enough, Mischa Barton is relegated to, quite literally, pounding the pavement on her way out of Hyde. We're guessing Rachel Bilson always gets valet.

Keys? Check. Paparazzi? Check. Car? Not so check for Kirsten Dunst, who makes like a little girl lost on her way out of Hyde. Luckily, new beau Fabrizio Moretti, her knight in shining armor—or at least, shiny pants—is there to redirect her wandering. You see, Fab, Drew only played ditzy. That's the difference.

Remember when people (okay, us) were making fun of Lindsay's seemingly noncommittal weeklong stint in rehab? Well, comparatively, she practically is Betty Ford. Not only has she taken beautifully to her role as designated driver while leaving Teddy's, she has also appointed herself to the very important position of seatbelt monitor. If only a certain someone else was equally concerned with exercising restraint.

Apparently, wearing a police ankle bracelet is apparently enough to drive you around the bend. Michelle Rodriguez posts her law-enforcement conspiracy theories on her official Website. And if ever a covert branch of the government was going to send black choppers to spy on someone…this would be the time. Get Michelle's ramblings after the break.

Boy, Britney rehab rumors are getting more action than Tom Brady. She's in. She's out. She's back in. Her manager, Larry Rudolph, has finally set the record straight by releasing the following statement: "Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today. We ask that the media respect her privacy, as well as those of her family and friends, at this time." Larry may also want to suggest to Brit that she avoid shaving her head in public the next time she's seeking privacy. Just a thought.

Apparently, Anne Hathaway's no princess. She told the U.K.'s Sunday Times she went through her own wild phase à la Lohan, until she realized "you can only dance on so many tabletops." Is it just us, or does Anne seem a little desperate to shed her sweetheart image? We'll believe it when we see the photos…or the rehab bills.

Lindsay Lohan may be back on the wagon, but she's still hitting the bottle—the water bottle, anyway. She's also back to hitting the clubs, making appearances at both Winston's and Teddy's over the weekend. We're not sure her post-rehab itinerary is completely Wonderland approved, but as long as she doesn't fall down any rabbit holes—or pick up any clipping shears—we say carry on.

This weekend went to the dogs, literally. Friends of the four-legged variety seemed to be the most popular celeb companion. (Oh, to be a tick on the wall!) But stardom is no guarantee of a good pet owner. Surprise, surprise. It's a toss-up over who looks less enthused at this Benefit Concert for the Animals—Paula Abdul or the poor pooch foisted upon her?At least Drew Barrymore seems to be having more fun with her furry encounter at the Much Love Dog Rescue bash.

Fear not, Florida courts. The paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's five-month-old daughter may be under question, but the ever reputable Mary Carey—former porn star and onetime gubernatorial candidate—has the answer. Apparently, she knows somebody who knows somebody who knows the cold, hard truth. You can't challenge facts like that.

All work and no play may not make Jack a dull boy, but outside of Mr. Chow, it certainly makes him a cranky one.

Britney Spears continues her long, slow slide to rock bottom by shaving her head Friday night. And how did you kick-start your weekend?By Sunday, Brit realizes that being bald isn't all that. Sweetie, there's a billion-dollar industry that exists to prevent the cue ball effect…now you understand why. Get more on Brit's weekend at Planet Gossip.   In other news…   • Sylvester Stallone probably regrets traveling Down Under with an entourage, after banned substances are seized from his peeps.   • Ray Liotta no doubt regrets he didn't take a cab, after being arrested on suspicion of DUI.   • And we're pretty sure sperminator Tom Brady doesn't regret dating the world's most beautiful women, even while it's being reported that his ex, Bridget Moynahan, is preggers with his baby after he has moved on to supermodel Gisele Bündchen.

Britney Spears' former assistant, Felicia Culotta, allegedly wrote an email expressing concern for her old boss to a blogger who then posted it online. If it's bogus, it's a brilliant marketing ploy for the site Thatotherblog. If it's the real deal, Brit lawyers are going to have a field day poring over nondisclosure agreements and filing lawsuits for the next 50 years.   We highlighted the best bits for your reading pleasure (the exclamation points are all Felicia's doing): "I cherish ALL the incredible opportunities that came my way thru my job with Britney and am crushed/saddened/heart sick by the way her life is unfolding... "I want you to know Ruben that WE (as in her Family and nearest and dearest — ALL of whom are not on the payroll anymore!!) are doing EVERYTHING in our power to get help for Britney and all in our power to NOT pad the bottom or move the bottom, so when she does indeed hit rock bottom, she'll stand up and walk away from this whole fiasco a new, confident, changed, career driven Britney like we all knew and loved. There's just so much you can do to help a person - I don't dare want to be an enabler, and I cannot love her enough for the both of us. I cannot convince her in ANY way to love herself... I cannot save her from herself, nor can I commit her to any type of treatment program against her wishes and will... "I'm so Southern, and the BEST way for me to tell you how I feel is to say - You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch. I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch!!"

Just a friendly heads-up to Foxy Brown's lawyer: After hearing that your volatile client was arrested for battery at a Florida beauty supply shop, we realized there can be only one defense strategy. Foxy must be allergic to acetone, a common ingredient in nail polish remover. After all, didn't her last arrest occur in a nail salon after getting a manicure? Obviously, the fumes send her into an apoplectic rage that require she lash out at any beauticians in her immediate vicinity. Poor thing is just an innocent victim to the toxic effects of cosmetic treatments and should probably avoid all beauty products and boutiques for her own safety. No thanks necessary, we're sure you would have come up with the same theory sooner or later.

Cameron Diaz was snapped at Hyde just before she left with Blood Diamond actor Djimon Hounsou, according to the paparazzi. We can neither confirm nor deny the late-night booty call, but whoever she was trying to impress with these leopard Christian Louboutin boots is one lucky guy. See Cam looking a little less stylish on her way out of the gym earlier in the day.

At first, we thought Mariah Carey was being announced as the new model for Plinko (aka only the most popular pricing game on The Price Is Right). But just before the dizzying euphoria set in—admit it, seeing Mariah replace Bob Barker with those Plinko chips would have been a blast—we realized she's actually the new face of Pinko...the Italian fashion house. Our disappointment is palpable.   

Breaking news! We intercepted a secret message of concern from Justin Timberlake to Britney Spears during a video-link message at the Brit (ahem!) Awards after he was named Best International Male Solo Artist: "Stop drinking!" said Justin. "You know who you are. I'm speaking to you. You are going to get sloppy." Look, it ain't easy cracking code and writing snarky captions, but that's our duty, and we take it seriously.