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Entertainment from Best Week Ever
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Perhaps it's just the way the light hits her. Maybe the guy who does the PhotoShopping forgot to do her left arm. Or, most likely, maybe the hair is standing up on its ends, because
she was getting douche chills thinking about how she did Yes Man. Whatever the reason, there is a generous amount of fuzzy hair on Zooey Deschanel's arm in this picture.

(via
ONTD)

Remember the film
Liar Liar, in which
Jim Carrey plays a character who lies all the time but must start telling the truth? See if you can guess the NEW plot of Jim Carrey's NEW movie,
Yes Man:
-- A man who always eats meat must eat nothing but vegetables.
-- A man who always sprints must crawl everywhere he goes.
-- A man who parts his hair to the left must begin parting his hair in the middle.
-- A man who always wears double-breasted suits must wear nothing but cardigans.
-- A man who always uses Draino to unclog his sink must start using Liquid Plumr.
-- A man who does not watch the show
Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel must start watching the show
Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel.
-- A man who always answers "No" must answer "Yes" to every question, including "Want to star in this throwaway movie that's exactly like
Liar Liar?"
Answer (Man) After The Jump!
The Moneyshot:
"I wasn't open to stuff. Now I am. Things are changing for me."
(Although,
Murray from
Conchords in a feature film? Good sign.)
This new
Gnarls Barkley video is awesome. At first it kind of feels like a rip off of
Comedy Central's Honesty series, but then it suddenly takes a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT turn. It's like a combination of
the diner scene from Spaceballs,
California Raisins,
and a Prilosec OTC commercial.
Update: Yes, that is
Lonely-Island-dude-turned-SNL-writer, Jorma Taccone!

Former BWE obsession
The Pregnant Transman is in this
week's copy of People Magazine, posing with his newborn baby girl
Susan Juliette. She looks like a little China doll! And even if the entire idea of exploiting your mangina and your newborn baby girl for fame and $$$ didn't make me feel a little uncomfy, you have to admit, that baby is a gem.
So, how many years until this lil' lady starts her own super emo livejournal? I'm saying 7 years. Also, it took my a while to figure out that this wasn't actually
Angelina Jolie and one of the twins.

This is
James McKean, a 41-year-old would be model but instead child nabber. He was arrested for literally trying to get an 11-year-old girl to come back to his van with him, so that he could get money for a "vending" machine. We wonder if that machine in fact vended JUSTICE and OTHER CRIMEY THINGS.
Remember when your parents would warn you to stay away from vans, lest a molester throw you in the back and drive off to have his way with you? Yeah, for some reason, we never pictured that mysterious molester looking like this clown. He's sort of a combination of
Nick Stahl and
Perez Hilton, no?

ps
He's still on the streets!

I happened to catch good ol'
American Pie on Starz! this weekend (
Working Title:
American Pie 1: American Not-Total-Garbage), and while I still know the movie inside and out from my youthful and more vibrant years, this was the first time I was really able to watch the film with a truer sense of 90s historical context, much like the first time someone watched
Better Off Dead in 1994 and thought "what the hell was going on in that decade?"
My reactions to the 2008
American Pie viewing:
-- Why does
Jason Biggs f*ck the pie in the middle of the kitchen? We all had our masturbation hangups in high school (I was more of a Cake man myself... the band Cake, I mean... I mean, I masturbated with Cake CDs... I'm still talking?) but even the horniest braindead teen knows not to do it in the damn kitchen.
Eugene Levy's character was probably more shocked by his son's lack of basic masturbatory etiquette than his decision to use baked goods.
-- The school choir is f*cking TERRRRRRRRIBLE!!! The film still dubs over their voices with recorded singing in the unconvincing but somehow-acceptable way that all movie musicals do, but they're dubbed with their own really sh*tty voices. I was watching with a choir vet and every second they were on screen was causing her severe pain (
Dramatization).

-- Not that I'm disputing the film's necessary inclusion of the
Nadia nude scene, but why does Nadia have to change her underwear when she gets out of her ballet clothes? And does she not expect anyone to be the slightest bit suspicious / concerned when she spends twenty minutes locked in the room, changing her clothes and making aroused noises?
-- Between the
Stifler "jizz in the beer cup" scene and the
Fat Bastard stool sample from
Austin Powers 2, 1999 was a great year for long, drawn out scenes where you keep expecting someone to drink a bodily discharge but they keep not doing it then they eventually do and everyone goes "oooohhhhhHHH!!!!!"
--
Chris Klein's decision to leave the lacrosse game at halftime to go sing in the choir competition is perhaps the most egregious violation of
Bros Before Ho's in cinematic history. After devoting four years to the lacrosse team, he turns his back to all his friends and coaches when they're counting on him the most because some preppy dude can't sing the "How Sweet It Is" duet as genuinely as he can? Call me unromantic, but if a chick really couldn't understand why I would've chosen the sport I'd played my entire life over the activity I picked up on a whim to meet chicks like nine minutes ago, I would've sent her packing. (Note: Actual high school me would've been so excited to even make eye contact with the girl, I would've missed the sporting event anyway to make her a
Black Sabbath mixtape.)

-- Shannon Elizabeth does not appear to know that she's in a movie, being filmed, or saying lines.
-- Chris Klein scatting "shoobie doobie doo wop" while the choir sings "Do You Believe In Magic" should be on the American Film Institute's List of the 100 Greatest Moments In Cinema. It actually should be on its own list of The 1 Actual Greatest Moment In Cinema and the other list should have "Besides Chris Klein Scatting In
American Pie" added to its name.
-- Would the ENTIRE school be laughing at Jason Biggs the morning after his double-premature performance on the web? Surely some people would be a little bit impressed that the hottest girl in school wanted to f*ck him, right?
--
Tara Reid didn't actually get hot until
American Pie 2, meaning her window of "actually attractive" was much slimmer than I recalled.
-- Chris Klein does not appear to know that he's in a movie, being filmed, saying lines, or how to speak English.
-- I still have no sympathy for
Paul Finch and his sanitary concerns. I was even happier when Stifler triumphed over him this time than when I first saw the film.
-- Eugene Levy is awesome. I hope someone teaches him the concept of how to decline film roles.
-- Every time someone in the movie says the word "internet," as in "broadcast her over the
internet!", the word is given the inflection of deliberate curiousness and awe that was required anytime anyone mentioned "the
internet" in a film prior to like 2005.
Any more retrospective American Pie observations? Leave 'em in the comments!
Chris Cornell has a new song out with
Timbaland, and it's on
Ryan Seacrest's website. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. When you listen, try to believe me when I tell you that
this is actually Chris "I'm Going Hungry" Cornell doing his best Maroon 5 impression. I'm not saying it's the worst thing I've ever heard, it's just that, Chris,
you don't sing like you anymore.*
Someone by the name of
Ryan Seacrest, however, thinks it's God's gift to music, because if you'll notice on his website, there's a very TELLING typo, where he refers to Chris Cornell as "Christ" Cornell. Or maybe it's Ryan's way of saying
"Christ, Cornell, what the f*ck are you doing??"

*I made a
Blackhole Sun reference!
(Via
Stereogum)

Consider this piece "Abuse, Explained." As you have probably heard,
Christian Bale's mother and sister went to the police the night before The Dark Knight premiered in London, claiming that Christian had assaulted them. Police were generous enough to allow Bale to attend the premiere, and soon after, he turned himself into authorities, was arrested, and then quickly bailed out.
But many questions remain: How could the beloved actor who plays
Batman verbally abuse his
mom and
sister, so badly that they report him to police? Witnesses claim Bale
flew off the handle last week on the set of the new
Terminator movie, that the actor was exhausted, stressed out about his Batman publicity duties, and depressed over the passing of co-star
Heath Ledger. Some reported that Bale flipped out when his mother
talked smack about his wife. Speculation abounded.
What happened to CeeCee Bale?
But we think we've figured all of it out. Why Christian has such vengeance and hatred for his own mother. Everything can pretty much be explained by the following sentence, taken from the UK newspaper,
The Sun:
Mum Jenny, 61 — a part-time clown — is said to have claimed she was pushed over during the row, which broke out in --
Hold on, hold on. Repeat that first part again?
Mum Jenny, 61 — a part-time clown.
I see.
Christian Bale's mother... IS A F**KING CLOWN. And please, allow us to remind you:
The Joker? Also a clown of sorts.
So let me see if I get this straight: A method actor plays a superhero who battles a demented clown. This actor is also in the stages of mourning the death of said clown actor. And this same actor, exhausted from working constantly, now lashes out against his mother, who is also a clown, after she talks sh*t about his wife?
In other words,
Batman:Joker::Christian Bale:His Mom The Clown. And really, can you blame him? Clowns are
goddamned terrifying. We're amazed he was able to restrain himself so well. Christian Bale is still a hero, folks! Sleep easy tonight.

It's no secret that I hobnob with the best and the brightest, the hottest and the hippest. So it will also come as no surprise to you that
I am actual friends with someone who was in The Dark Knight. And not just anyone; I'm talking about the guy who played a young Gotham PD cop named
Berg. (The one riding in the back of the van with Gary Oldman? Yes, that one.) His name is
Matt Shallenberger, and you may also recognize him from those
Coors commercials. But even back when
he carried my dead body down from the roof of a fake 7-11 in our college's staging of the play Suburbia, I knew he was going places.
Recently I had the chance to interview Matt about the movie, his stint as a
Blue Man, and his photography. He's pretty much a genius, so consider yourself warned,
Christian Bale.
SS: Describe your role in The Dark Knight - without being spoily of course.
MS: Don't worry, I'm legally obliged to not be spoily. I play a young Gotham PD cop named Berg...who, like a lot of the characters in the movie, is forced to make a morally tough decision. I happen to spend most of my screen time sweating in a van. Just as I typed that, I figured out that "sweating in a van" is not as unique an activity as you might think in this movie.
SS: In the movie, you were in a scene with Gary Oldman. What was it like acting with him? Did you ask him about The Fifth Element, i.e. one of the greatest films ever made?
MS: He was an incredibly sweet and gracious guy. Our second day working together, we were towed around in a van behind a truck for the better part of a day without all of the hoopla going on outside, which was nice. We spent most of the time telling stories about people with funny accents and he taught me a bunch of cockney rhyming slang that I've been waiting desperately to use. I didn't ask him anything about
The Fifth Element, though I did make some jokes about the movie
JFK, forgetting until months later that he was in it.
The lesson is to, when talking to Gary Oldman about movies, assume he was in all of them...better yet, when talking to any human about JFK assume they were in it. That's mathmatically more appropriate.
Read about Matt's close encounters with
Heath Ledger and
Christian Bale, after the jump!
SS: Your scene also included a car crash. Was that scary? Did you perform your own stunts?
MS: No one but the drivers were in the car for that crash. Unfortunately, I was working somewhere else and couldn't watch it. My only stunt work was some in-car wrestling with Gary, who's real tough for a skinny guy in a suit and kept unavoidably kneeing me in the groin. Had I the audacity level commensurate with my excitement level, my answering machine would say
"Hi this is Gary Oldman. Matt is unavailable, as I kicked him in the groin." Can you still buy an 'answering machine'?
SS: As a pop culture blogger I feel it is my duty to ask you if you saw, touched, smelled, or in any way came into contact with Heath Ledger while you were on set. So.....did you?
MS: He and I didn't work together. I met him at the wrap party. He seemed like a nice quiet guy having fun.
SS: As a woman I feel it is my duty to ask you if you saw, touched, smelled, or in any way came into contact with Christian Bale while you were on set. So....?
MS: He and I are in a scene that got cut down a bit for the movie. I saw, touched, and unavoidably (but not regrettably) smelled him. It is also mildly intimidating to have him in the makeup chair next to yours. Makes you feel like you got something in your teeth, you should work out more, and your haircut sucks.
That hair has an ENERGY or something...it's mesmerizing...and up close...it's like trying to look inside an IDEA or something.
SS: When you got the part, did you sh*t your pants, knowing you were going to be in one of the biggest, record-breaky blockbuster films of all time?
MS: I didn't shit until about a week ago. I carry less than the standard amount of anxiety I think, but I reserve all of it for wondering whether or not I somehow got cut out of something. So not until I saw it did I shit, and even then it looked to me like I had shot the footage myself and snuck it in to the movie.
SS: Do you mean it was sh*tty cinematography or that you couldn't believe anyone would actually edit you into a film?
MS: I have no issues with the cinematography whatsoever. Wally Pfister is a f*cking genius. It was SO disconcerting to see my head 50 feet tall, that my mind convinced myself that it was a prank.
SS: Did you go to the premiere in New York City?
MS: No, I was working in L.A., but I went to the first screening in L.A., which is fun. It's essentially the same clientele as a midnight showing somewhere else: all the people who have really been dying to see it. These ones just happen to know someone at the newspaper or something. They still dress up and clap and giggle and lose their shit. The famous people we got were Larry King and
some girl who I'm told is on The Hills. I just looked her up. It was Lauren.
SS: [after regaining consciousness] You were once a member of the Blue Man Group in Chicago. I realize no one has ever asked you this before, so forgive me if this seems like it's coming from left field, but garsh, what was it like wearing all that blue makeup on your face every single night!?!
MS: Lame. But after a while you seriously forget what it feels like and worry right before the show that you forgot to put it on. Worser still is, six weeks after you quit, and you are at Blockbuster Video and the woman renting
Walking With Dinosaurs to you asks if you have a skin condition and you realize it never really goes away.
SS: Now that you've broken into film, will we be seeing you on the big screen again anytime soon?
MS: Let's hope, right? I've haven't done any film in a while. Stuff has been pretty slow out here between an actual strike and another potential one. Hopefully everything will pick up soon.
You'll see me on TV peddling beer, tacos, and mouthwash in the meantime.
SS: You are also pursuing a career in photography, and I think everyone would agree that your pictures are really snazzy. Can you describe your point of view a little bit?
MS: A friend of mine told me that my pictures looked "lonely" and that stuck. I shoot mostly landscape in between suburbia and rural industrial places. I like empty places with some small element of design or purpose or history or future to them because it forces you to write a lot of the story of that place yourself.
I'm also told I take a lot of pictures of people with fanny packs worn in the front.
SS: If you were going to do a portrait of me, what would it be like?
MS: The blog equivalent of the book jacket back flap: self indulgent in
a really oblivious palatable way, like reading your own blog. And
you'd be wearing your "writing shirt": an actual costume piece from Elizabeth: The Golden Age that you spent your whole advance check on.
Seeeee, I told you we were friends! He knows me SO well! I know him well too: He's originally from Hawaii, currently lives in Los Angeles with a 7-year-old French bulldog named Otto. He's 6' 160 lbs., has brown hair, brown eyes, is single, is an organ donor, likes ice cream but not pie, and thinks 'The Strangers' was really f*cking terrifying. Anyway, you can find more about Matt's photography at www.mattshallenberger.com.